


Curdled Milk

by whatkindofnameisella



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Pining, cr ep 61, kinda spoilers, liam makes faces and we obsess over it for weeks, you know how it goes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-26 14:34:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21375688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatkindofnameisella/pseuds/whatkindofnameisella
Summary: She is giggling and smiling and a torrent of giddy joy. For the life of him Caleb cannot take his eyes away.(a study on some faces Liam made in ep 61)
Relationships: Jester Lavorre/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 4
Kudos: 53





	Curdled Milk

“Oh my gods you guys look, look, look – “

Jester is spinning in the foyer of the Xorhaus in a flurry of purple and green and blue, always blue. He would not have thought that the dark colors of the Dynasty would ever fit her, but she makes it look like she was made to wear every muted shade now on her body. She is giggling and smiling and a torrent of giddy joy. For the life of him Caleb cannot take his eyes away.

His eyes rake over her once. Twice. Despite all of his better judgments he cannot stop a smile from pulling at the corners of his mouth. A third time, and he notices that these are not necessarily clothes for fashion, that they are droopy and ruffled and big skirted and made for combat, and the sudden daunting thought dawns on him that maybe it is not just the clothes or the body but the woman wearing them, and –  
She turns that smile on him for one fleeting moment, grinning from cheek to cheek, flushed fuchsia with infectious joy, the tip of her tongue ever so slightly pinched between her teeth. She smiles at him, mischief and secrets and coy, and his stomach swoops at the sight of it. He cannot control the way his eyes soften or his cheeks flush or his treacherous lips stay quirked in that upwards position. 

An image bursts unbidden into his mind – him sitting with her, alone, the feel of her palms in his cool and serendipitous against his skin, soft and splattered with paints and inks. Violet eyes reflecting golden morning light, her face without the mask of emotion or fear of vulnerability. His fingertips, however blackened and fragile, quietly connecting the constellations of freckles that splatter over her face and shoulders and arms as her mouth turns up into a fond smile for him, just for him, and she is sweet and her lips are sweet and her name slips from his lips like a prayer if she would only let him – 

She is turning away from him because she is spinning in her whirlwind of muted colors somehow made bright by the presence of her. She turns away from him and the sweet taste in his mouth curdles like milk in sweet tea as a knife twists somewhere deep inside him. There is an old familiar voice that reminds him that he is not enough for her. That he is broken and contaminated and a sentence to ruin. That to be with her would be to snuff out a star - gradually, quietly, selfishly.  
He consigns to the voice without question. Tucks the corners of his lips in. Puts that traitorous image a million miles away.

He watches her spinning in the foyer of the Xorhaus as laughter exudes from her easy like rain in a thunderstorm. His eyes rake over her once. The bile rises in his throat. 

He looks away.

**Author's Note:**

> remember when those ep 61 gifs were floating around the other week and we were all losing our minds? this is based on that. this was super fun to write and i absolutely loved trying to convey my take on those faces (god DAMN it liam). really feel like im starting to understand how I like to write again! it's lovely. :) took me a full week to get it up on here from my tumblr but we did it! if you wanna yell at me there im under the same name (whatkindofnameisella)!
> 
> ps I got two wips and one of them is almost ready to be up, so keep your eyes peeled for that :^)))


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